She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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