How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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