Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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