i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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