the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
