i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize