Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
