There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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