I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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