three words: i give head
three words: not that well
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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