its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
