a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize