Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
