Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
