she was so not down for the gang bang
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
