I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
