She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How does it feel to date your dad?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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