Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
