She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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