I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
