yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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