I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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