Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
