I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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