The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
