she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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