we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
4 words: hood of his car
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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