WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
