there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
