Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
