Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You are a genius and a whore.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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