remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
