Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
