Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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