Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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