Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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