i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
