considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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