when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
