I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
