and you said cock pushups were impossible
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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