she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
