maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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