is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
