You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
