we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize