I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
