this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
