I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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