sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
