Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
