Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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