his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize