do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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