I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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