I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
