im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
