Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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