I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
