You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize