what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
