i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
