Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
