so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
