I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
