hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
