piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
