Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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