And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize